Ding. I quickly picked up my phone, and saw the text I had been waiting for. “Gauge is out of surgery, and he did fine.” Gauge’s other grandmother, his great-grandmother and I had been visiting in the waiting area as if this was just another day, but our grandma hearts hurt for our little guy.

My grandma counterpart, Carrie, received her text almost simultaneously, and a relieved grin broke out on her face. I remember not so long ago when our children were joined in marriage. It was hard letting go of my son to the other woman, so to speak. I liked being in the No. 1 position.

I knew that it was time to move over for the love of Robby’s life, but he had me and did not need another mom! When I look back now I have to laugh, but at the time sharing Robby with another family was difficult. Now everything seems so natural and good for all involved.

Perhaps most mothers have a little trouble when their sons grow up and marry, but I’ve never really had a conversation with anyone else to find out. Maybe it’s a taboo subject because other mothers don’t want to appear selfish or shallow. Oh well … the cat is out of the bag, because that is exactly how I felt. Selfish, shallow, jealous, take your pick. But Robby’s dad died quite suddenly and soon after our son’s wedding so I felt like two of my favorite guys had left me at the same time.

Poor Robby was trying to deal with his father’s death, a new wife, in-laws, and a needy mom all at the same time. The first few years were a little challenging for us all I think, trying to figure out the new family dynamics. Fortunately, we all kept plugging along doing the best we could.

All the things that seemed to be such a big deal then have fallen right into place. Instead of worrying about who goes where for Thanksgiving I started a new tradition a few years ago. I realized that the holidays are bigger than any one day. It’s the attitude of giving and truly being thankful for all of our loved ones and many blessings that makes any day special. I opted to make our holiday any day that worked out best for all involved.

Actually, I cooked a big Thanksgiving dinner last week so Gauge could enjoy it before those nasty tonsils came out. My son will be at work in Saudi Arabia on the official Thanksgiving Day, and I didn’t want him to miss out on all the homemade goodies either so this seemed to be the best plan. Choosing to act unselfishly even if I didn’t feel that way at first has been one of the best decisions I’ve made.

I’m so glad I’m not one of those jealous mothers who is always jockeying for position, but I have to tell you it was close there for a little while!

Jan Penton Miller can be reached at lilsisjan@yahoo.com.